Strange visit back in time

Going to the year of 1996, which perhaps was one of the most intense, painful and sorrow filled years I can think of. However, today I would use the term "Lovebite". I walked right into a "Lovebite".



The kind of keystone in life that poses a point in life, in which you can die or live. Weaken or get stronger. A challenge (or rows of challenges) which which can fuck you up for decades; Getting lost, diverting from your path or many years (by getting stuck into the problematics, the emotional thorns that never let go, because you mind, your ego, insist on it not to let go - but that is difficult to digest... It demands insight beyond brain. It requires a kind of maturity. To be humble, calm - and see the patterns of a web, that is just there to capture a good spirit by trying to inverting it - with your own help. You do it on your own.


Potential portal to grow beyond limitations

Ultimately it is also a challenge to grow beyond ones limited, blocked sights. Perhaps my world needed to get violently attacked through crisis - because I didn't really grow in key areas of my life - always being stuck at something that is very, very old, from the earliest years of my life. It repeated itself in many ways and shapes, but always with the same silverlining involved. And it took another almost 20 years, to get clearer from it all.

They say, you learn from mistakes. No, not necessarily. You make the mistakes perhaps 20 times and more, until you are tired of doing them. When you are really tired of making them, and finally let go - but let go without a sense of anger, hate or self destruction. Then the world changes in your life, on a more real level.


Acknowledgement; having chosen

In a way, it was important to have made the mistakes. I also acknowledge that they were my choice, even if there was a power that dragged truly deep into that "lovebite" of 1996 with strings attached for over a decade afterwards.

I cold interpret 1996 in many ways I guess, but it doesn't really matter anymore what it was or not was. I do however still feel a bit iffy about that time - noticing it when I scan images from 1996 (or from the 80s)


I have always

followed my heart, further and deeper than most people I have met during my life. However, I mixed some things up and that was, that i thought emotions are more true than thoughts. But that is an error. Thoughts and emotions can both deceive you, being corrupting or trapping you into traps. Only because because of a strong thought, or a strong emotion - it never is 100% that they are true. And we never ask if any of our thoughts actually are true ? We assume they are. And we assume that our emotions are always true too.

In that "automatic assumption" (that all feelings/emotions/thoughts are true) lies a vast amount of deceiving traps. And our ego knows how to play on those... because the ego is the master of deception.

But you are not your ego. And you are not your thoughts or emotions. It goes way beyond. But to truly understand this, you have to do more than just read some lines about it.

You. Have to do the Work.

To distinguish what is what.