22 May 2020 @ 00.00  |  Stockholm, Snösätra
5°C • almost clear night sky


Interesting meeting with Johannes

The photo of Johannes I had scanned and worked with in post processing the other day published on Page 081 - which sent to him - initiated a rather unexpected, yet natural development (days later), in meeting Johannes eye to eye in my home (where he never had been).

I think it was a great meeting and totally relaxed. It emerged a sense of that we both, 24 years later really are mot at ease, and look upon our own silliness or foolishness back in time - why we refused to let another person into our lives.

In hindsight kind of sad, but at the same time not - because regardless of all the stones along the road we put in the way - we always seem to have reconnected anew. And today each one of us, can admit, that we always had a very special connection, a strong pull - even during periods of long absence (which of course was strongly sexually colored), but somehow always lead to renewed contact.

It's both strange, interesting and puzzling - that after a whopping 24 years - there we are in my kitchen, totally relaxed, enthusiastically talking and discussing, reflecting upon the past - and still have that sense of friendship.

Because after 24 years of entanglement - of ALL types and colors - here are are.


Handsome dude - despite an age of 73 (!)

now, not even full gray in his hair... and good lo3oking. You really don't think that about the number 73 normally. It's really puzzling. Have some of the men of today changed compared to the 70 year olds back in the 70s or 80s ? I am not "into" guys of that age - but I know when a guy looks good.

He looks very much that typical Johannes I remember back then - when he was a really scruffy, hunky Marlboro man - always having this stubborn, almost irritating hunkyness in his dynamic going on in his body language.

Sal also has that: it is VERY TRONGLY present with him. Makes him endlessly hunky !

Boy I love that !!!

For me that is like watching art. Observing and taking in a painting from a great master, and you sit there, and enjoying every move, shape and line.

Just like that.


In all that time that has passed...

So, of all the immense emotions that crossed path in my mind, body and soul - sometimes beyond anything i was able to understand or pinpoint exactly why... There are none of these dramatic emotions left. I have a vague memory of them, like a brain that registers events, but I don't feel them, because there is no life or "spirit" left in them. Nobody to blame. nobody to be angry at. Nobody to be deeply sad about.

This is a total opposite of what once filled my entire being 24-20 years ago.


I forgot to take pictures

Curiously we were so busy talking - me especially as usual - that I totally forgot to take some photos. That's one of the drawbacks with me now in my 50s, where I communicate a lot more (and am very focused on what i say), that the roll as a photographer often gets "forgotten".

I mean earlier, I could in moments between melt into the background - and that is when I made photos. Now, I am the one talking and discussing actively - but that gives barely any honest space for taking portraits on-the-fly.

- 90 -