My feeling and connection to my intimate Diary is over time, pretty much up and down. There are times in which I feel like "Wow, I do good work", and then I can feel the opposite where things feel off, boring, and tedious. And old. Old as in not updated, not fresh, not "like all the others".

Well the latter sounds strange, because "like all the others", hasn't exactly been my thing. So, Frankly, I don't need the latest in terms of how my Diary is made layout-wise. Running after people with "the latest and greatest", feels to me like trying to compete constantly with the ultra short attention span of people these days. And that is the most unsexy I can imagine. to run after people, who in themselves are shallow and don't pay any attention what so ever, flying from "one rose to the next", in the search for kicks.

I wonder where I got that from. I believe it has a little bit to do with my memory of sexuality. I often wondered about this when I was young, that guys (in my case) where chasing younger ones - and as soon somebody was really young, they got electrified. Almost like human zombies which went onto auto-mode.

Now try to capture their "interest" - which isn't even interest, barely looks like interest, and is anything but interest other then something automatic. Something that just is in for the kicks. To run after these types feels incredible unsexy. I find them, incredible unsexy, unattractive,un-everything i could think of.

But hey - it took a while to fully understand that.

So, yeah. Nothing in life is either black nor white. So, there is a large gray zone, with all kinds of manifestations though and in people. It isn't always so clear-cut, if you understand what I mean.

 

My Diary here at XPan.se

Let's just say, it is a remnant of something I once created 22 years ago, which in itself was the digital continuation of a real, analog diary i started in my teens. So, I'll keep it aloft no matter how it looks or feels like. Fresh or not. Interesting or not.

I can sometimes long for being more open, more free. At the same time I am no longer in my 30s, so I don't really write in exactly the same way like back in the days when I started this diary in Aug 2000 (in digital form on the Internet). Sometimes I find it tedious to read myself, because I don't seem to get to the point. Or I am too angry and things get too messy.

I guess in the end, there are no clearcut rules for how to write a diary. You are as open as you choose and want to be. There is no rule that says you have to be this or that. You learn to find your own expression. Just try to focus on that you are writing a diary for yourself, and less for an audience. There is always the risk that you transform into becoming a person who then writes things for others, for what you think they want from you. Then you may turn out into becoming an influences, a wannabe, etc.

 

It is ultimately your choice

what you choose to make your Diary into. At my age as of now, I cannot say what is right or wrong, because I am not the creator of someone else's destiny, nor the creator of a persons lessons that needs to be learned - which is something everyone ultimately will be confronted with, ultimately we all get to learn. This stretches way beyond the visible eye; from the smallest to the Grande design in the universe and the lives and stages we live though.

I can have my opinion about it - but I cannot tell you, nor anyone else what they have to be, or what they have to do. (And I tend to do exactly that it seemed - or at least that is what other people who lived with me, felt about me; that I tried to tell them who they are, and what to be).

I can't say that that was my purpose or intention, because it wasn't. But I have learned along the road of life, that I may have done so, without fully realizing it. That I was far more intrusive in my way of being than I understood. But again; it isn't so clear-cut really. Sometimes you develop ways of being, because the opposite partner and his quirks interacts with your quirks. Sometimes dynamics emerge which can challenge a lot of situations. Including to misunderstand each other.

And not everyone wants to understand - not everyone wants to be understood. So, I was often "in their face". Especially when I felt pressured or pushed into a corner. That really brought out all kinds of quirks, in good but also in bad.

 

The difficulty in writing about present world events

Since Corona and now with the military intervention in Ukraine, it find it increasingly difficult to write about these events, because they are extremely complex and provide so many onion-layered chapters and hidden aspects - plus that what is written about both, is extremely single sided, with deliberate lies and misinformation - in a way we never have seen before. I mean we have, just not as badly and as bluntly. The closest thing would be 9/11 - which in itself was perhaps the threshold event which changed the world into a much worse place - but we didn't understand it - because we got framed in so many ways, and a lot of changes happened under the hood (many laws got changed into what would bear fruit 20 years later, for the oligarchic elite and their obsession to rule the world with help of utterly deceitful scenarios and "motives"; such as the war that were fought, Corona, Ukraine and Climate Change.

Those are the very tools of deception, with roots that stretches back at least 50 years, deliberately shipped, wrapped and "gradually put into our daily meals" - until we now have become so used to the propaganda, that most of us don't even call anything in question anymore, and believe everything our governments, foundations, organization and authorities say the way they want the stories to be believed.

We now believe them - no questions asked.

 

Green Party now the most aggressive War mongering party !

(How did this happen ?!) Just a simple observation. The Green Party used to be a political party who cared about the state of the world and nature. Today, they have become the most aggressive defenders of WAR. They want to make "peace through war". Send weapons for billions to Ukraine.

Nobody speaks about peace negotiations, and all the underpinnings in which you try to get both parts get together in order to start the foundation of future peace. But no, it is all about weapons for billions of tax money. Make more war.

Weapons have never ever in human history lead to more peace. The Green party - especially in Germany - is so obsessed, and talks about nuclear weapons to be used.

Good luck with that, Green Party. I hope you got some serious shelters.

Stupid friskiness' morons. Just to name a few.

 

Ukraine and the love for Nuclear Weapons

Ukraine too, mentioned two times at the Munich Security conference that they want to develop and use nuclear weapons. A failed state with Atomic weapons - while at the same time, it's military is openly mixed with true Nazi organizations - the worst kind of killing machines without any morale what so ever. Those you want to allow to use nuclear weapons. And then you wonder, why Russia had enough after that the war went on for 8 years - and NO FUCK was interested in those killings the Ukrainian Nazi Army performed on civilians on purpose. It is us who should be shamed front most - for being stupid, ignorant and fatally giving the worst kind of human beings weapons of mass destructions.

We are so mindfucked, that I have no words. Now we cut ourselves off from all Russian Gas as well wheat and many raw materials - without any true backup - in the official "belief" which is what "our" politicians tell us - to hurt Putin / Russia.

More mindfucked it can't get.

 

The Russian Ruble

is now stronger than ever before - the economy is flowering, and has not true influence of that Europe is cutting itself off one of the biggest providers of gas (electricity / power), wheat and many raw materials, etc.

And you think, it can be replaced with solar and wind energy. The most unstable energy there is, wrecking havoc onto the electricity grid...You likely have no clue what is coming to Europe, through the decisions "our" criminal leaders are doing in "our name".

 

They are hired to slowly kill us.

"Our" politicians don't care about the citizens of Europe. Many of those who are "ignorant" - are servants for those who stand behind (Elite oligarchy), banks and conglomerate and ultra wealthy families - with extreme negative views on humanity at large. And goals which are wrapped into glossy words and phrases (so that the missionaries and politicians use those), but in reality contain the exact opposite; nefarious and very sinister goals in mind. But they don't make their hands dirty - it's humans who do the dirty work, to destroy humans.

But reptile predator minds into people, who acts as wealth bringer on behalf of humanity - but in reality give a rats ass about humanity, and rather see it decimated to a high degree. People, who think they are something special, and with deceit, lies and deep corruption - bring about the plans under disguise of Agenda 2030...

"Our" politicians care about having their own seat on a dry spot, and make sure that the people - which they don't really care so much - and mostly are separated from - are the helpers - bringing about poverty, disease and make sure to ruin a country if that is their order from higher up.

The old plan reinvigorated once again.

 

Read Mr Claus Schwab's books

"The fourth Revolution" and "The Great Reset". Learn how cool it is when everyone has a "chip" inside the brain getting all connected. (Elon Musk's program is actively working on this. Our Swedish Karolinska Institute is also working on the interface between human brain cells and artificial 'intelligence'. And so do many others, too)

The Schwab's politicians (World Economical Forum, WEF) are after all there, are hired for, getting paid to be leaders in all kinds of positions including political ones - in order to continue the destruction that is rolled out - especially since the Corona Plandemic and the devastating experimental genetic injections. You thought they are our leaders.

Well, good night folks. Seeing is believing.


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