I seem to have gone all in about the year of 1990. Scanning many hundreds of film negatives... and it has raised far more emotions, thoughts and reflections... than i expected. But it's a good thing, actually. The year of 1990 was a very tricky, very unstable, very strange year.

Like the calm before the storm (in 1991). And boy would it turn into a storm I had not seen since my childhood. I guess back then, it was time - perhaps for the time time in my adult life of 24-25 to confront my past, my childhood, and everything attached to it. I didn't even know what a depression was... (which is kind of strange, given that I was always interesting in psychology, and what went on in other people's emotions and thoughts). Yet, I didn't really know what a depression was, no what it is there for. That it could have a function to retore a body and mind, if you give it the time it needs to heal.

I had no idea.

 

Unfolding creaitivity - with spirit

It was also a very creative time, that year of 1990... When i started to make my first step in terms of nudity, sensualism.... giving life and emotions to images, which I often felt were stale, boring and had something essential missing. Light painting was one aspect. Sensualism another. All these things, I and perhaps other take so for granted - but this was 1990, and I was only 24 years of age.

I really didn't know what I wanted to do in photography - only that i did want to do photography very, very much. And I did. Lots of it. More than ever before.

 

I am a song. And want to feel the winds

So, 1990 was a year of brekaing out, flying out, trying steps towards more emotion; giving life and breathe to images. Instead of dead-on-sharpness and perfectionism - i experimented with blur, light paintings, torches, shallow depth of field, night photography, and movement.

And finally, more people in my images. Spontanious projects. Very often with Jonas, who became a dear friend. And then i had a brief boyfriend, the incredible handsome Bo, who was about to become a doctor. The kind of guy who looked like a mother-in-law's dream.

 

1990 was at first a fine promise

1990 also was a new promise to life, after dreadful dark 1988 and especially 1989 was a chain of what felt like endless disaster emotionally in terms of relationships. Really very much URRK all the way. I have not even started to scan 1989 yet...

Anyway, the promise of 1990 was a fine one with spring rising, Jonas as a friend, and more creativity than ever !

 

From Conductor to Train driver... almost

At the same time, I was working as a conductor at the local Railway in Stockholm, called SLJ Saltjöbanan, i entered a long training to become a traindriver. Which I got, but the head of SLJ was weird not giving me the job, despite flawless examination. A very weird situation, which kept me in a sort of limbo for quite some time, as I continued to be a conductor, despite now being a traindriver. *huh*

 

The Very Conform Stockholm

Sweden was very conservative back then. Incredible conform - but the first signs showed up, ever so slightly, in which society maybe started to loosen up a little bit. Or perhaps it waas a couple years later, with the deep crisis in Sweden, the deepest since Second World War (1992-93). It went from super stable, into very unstable, as the powers to be, started to destroy the extreme safe social grid for citizens. As if companies only waited to kick out people. Stockholm had an unemployment rate of 0.5% in 1990. It went up to 13% in 1993.

 

High Inflation country

Sweden also was a high inflation country in 1990 - somewhere around 13-17% i believe. But the salaries also went up much more than they do today (I get +2% this year in 2022, but the inflation is 7%, and in reality it is 15-17%)

 

In Gay Stockholm

there was a slight tendency starting, in which more places opened. Earlier, from 1984 when I arrived, until 1990, only ONE gay place could exist. If a new one opened, the older one went down. Gay people back then where kind of wired that way. So, during my first years, there were often no alternatives really, except one dancing place everybody went to.

 

The aids Plandemic

put a lot of fear in people, and AZT was the "helping medicine" - which in reality was the very lethal drug that killed most of them - and it was called "They died of aids". No, they died of Dr Fauci's worldwide, primarily recommended lethal drug AZT - that's why. And everyone else aped after, that ATZ you have ot take to "get better". It is a drug on which a death skull is printed, and originally from the 50s/60s, but was abandoned because it was so lethally toxic. Until Dr Fauci brushed it off, and it became the No 1 drug against AIDS.

Imagine that for a moment. AZT is a DNA disruptor. It destroys DNA. Kind of like going into an atmoic reactor - it too destroys your DNA. We all know what happens next...

But we believed the media in 1990, the doctors, and the authorities. It was one of the biggest medical scams in human history... and it still is ongoing (and a huge money maker, thanks to many organsiation Working against aids. It is a $800 million market annually. That's why it still goes on.

Just aweful.

 

Partially surpressing the thoughts

I had an ambivalent relationship to the whole situation of "hiv" and "aids". Sometimes it frightened me, sometimes it didn't think about it. I did, like most people did; partially surpress the subject. We started to get tired, as it alrady has been going on for many years. My first hiv test was back in 1985, I remember.

It was springitme, and an unusual warm one. Already in March 1990 we had sometimes temperatures up to 15-17°C, which is very warm for tha time of the year. It then started anew an even warmer period in the end of april into May, with summer warm temperatures. And fog during the night...

 

Before and during Dawn in May 1990

That's when we shot the images at the sea, before and during dawn. Because the Leica Noctilux-M 50 f1 is such an extreme bright lens, litterally sucking in even the weakest amount of light onto the film - the images are much brighter than the scene really was !


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