I also started to experiment with longtime exposures in daylight - albeit I didn't have any appropriate filter that could reduce the light enough. So, I had to work in twilight or during overcast weather together with a low sensitive film.

During this time in 1990, i lived second hand in a colleagues home; Imtiaz from Pakistan. During 5-6 months he would be down there, and during 6-7 months he would work at the Saltsjöbanan railway as a train driver. During the time he was gone, I had access to the entire apartment - so this also gave me for the first time in my life, the ability to create a "sort of" photo studio in the living room, as well being able to make prints in the darkroom, since the bathroom was really large. It all worked absolutely fantastic during winter time !!!

I did so many things. Black & white films, Black & white prints, Cibachrome Color prints from Colors slides. Albeit at this stage, i only developed black & white film myself. Color negatives as well Color Slide film, I still left at a professional photo lab in the city to develop.

And I didn't make any prints from color negatives at all - because at that time, the process was extremely bulky and the papers weird. But all this would change in 1993, because of new paper processes, and color papers, working in room temperatures with short developing times.

But it is 1990 - and time has not moved on there yet. It was the start of new creativity in ways that was different form all i had done before... Jonas was my favorite motive - well, also because as a friend he was almost always around. And I used to work with the closest people... I think i have always done that during my life... And if nobody was around - I took myself as the object or model.

I mean, why not.

I also started to make much more goofy stuff, too. Humor. Masquerade, albeit nothing advanced or so. I have never been a man of controlling all the fine details. It was more into getting hold of the creative energy when it gushed - and did things as they came to mind. If i was fond of something particular - i would try to "re-do" it again, and more details would be added (without the need that it had to be exactly the same). You know, like what you once did, and it turned out good, you do later again, and see where it leads further into. Changing some details, etc. Refining things.

 

Jonas.

The gentle giant. With a heart of gold, and real sweetheart in so many ways. I have rarely met a person so gentle and kind, like Jonas. My problem however was, that I wasn't too keen on too "soft" guys. It created a weird conflict in me... Almost like saying "it gets a bit too messy", or "too close"... But I was 24, and today Ii am 56, and see things from different perspectives... and don't feel "full" if a guy has a gentle heart and "too soft" demeanor. The value of inner qualities in a human being - stand much higher and brighter for me today, than i was able to appreciate back then. Perhaps I chose the wrong words. I appreciated Jonas really a lot. Yet I also made it clear, that I don't like too messy or clingy - in the spirit of fairness, i wanted to be clear about it. Not to give him false hopes.

 

So, Jonas and I were friends.

And that worked well for a longer time. Until it didn't work anymore. And that is a deeply sad story - and I believe he is not around anymore. Our contact went apart in the end of 1991 - and I have only seen him once at the subway station "Gamla Stan", once in 2001 or 2002. He looked haunted, and spoke loud to himself, like a troubled, crazy person...

Not that he was crazy, but haunted, and likely deeply hit in too many ways, that one of the most beautiful souls cracked into an dark abyss. There is a lot to the story, and i might not be totally innocent in that.

but it is 1990, and Jonas was a wonderful, incredible buddy - a rare kind of human being. And yes, we had sex sometimes. He had a huge, thick amazing dick - really one of those stud cocks, you wouldn't believe. But that wasn't what defined Jonas. It was his gentleness, his manners, his humor and the incredible beautiful heart. The guy had a great talent in drawing images and using words.

But again, I wasn't so fond of it, and told him, that please, do not gift me with a lot of presents. Because I can't handle many presents, as beautiful as they are - but it just makes me feel "stuffed". I think he understood, and we had a balance in our friendship.

 

The thing with men and looks

Back then I had very different taste in men. I thought more of the blonde, Scandinavian looking type of guy... Men with beards really where not my thing at all. When I look at Jonas in images with beard.... wow, so incredible handsome. I have images where he looks a little like the actor who played Wolverine. I mean just think about that... how sexy can a man be like that. And Jonas was tall !

So yeah, my taste in men changed a lot though my life time. I see Jonas with very different eyes today and can see the hunkiness he had sleeping in his looks sometimes. But I never saw that back then. Really not. I was totally different oriented...

 

Bo

I was leaning more towards guys like... well, Bo. Which by the way, would come into my life during latter spring 1990, but that is another story...



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