It is important not to fall for threats people write in written letters - as it tends to take over your brain psychologically. But what a person needs - is the brain. In that sentence I mean you need to think, focus and let emotions ebb out - before you start reflecting or make any premature decisions.

Well, not exactly my strength - or not always, I should say.

Strangely, i got more angry later on - but not in the beginning when i read those weird letters coming from a anonymous person, claiming things. I had partially understanding for his/their point of view. But later I also felt i needed to defend y own territory of free speech, the creation of a Personal Diary in which one writes down thoughts, memories and emotions... And then i also thought about my photography of Olof T... which beyond all doubt was done by free will, in cooperation of both, accepted by both.

And now the guy/person/they claim (?) rights on.... what exactly ?! What do people own about other people, when the main person is deceased ? How far does that "territory" stretch ?

Wasn't exactly specified either, to be honest.




What the F was been tried to be pulled off here ?!

Somehow i totally missed to realize, how bad that "Brian Telle" letter was written. It is filled with spelling errors, and even cut off words, as well not correctly Swedish expression. So, altogether it makes me wonder... what the fuck was just tried to pull off here ?!


The Letter again

So, here is the Swedish version of this person's letter, who tries to ... in a sort of attempt to "protect" Olof T, a former boyfriend of mine, who passed away in May 2021 unexpectedly.




The letter has several errors, spelling mistakes and not quite Swedish correct expression mistakes in it. But here is translation as following with DeepL translator:



To Ralf Pergandé,

There are consequences. We have seen the information written on a web quote called XPAN about Olof, edited by Ralf P. We have thought about it further and ask him kindly, to remove everything he has written. Your pestering information is false and disturbing to our family members.

We have contacted the police and now a law firm. You do not have the rights. This is a crime. You have until the end of March. Before we take legal action against, consequently. you as responsible, further.


Brian Telle


Why all these fuzzy mistakes ?

The more i dwell on the letter(s) this person sent to me, the more i realize that there is something off about them. Not only the spelling mistakes I find strange. I mean if I would threaten a person with legal actions, police and all the stuff - then I would make sure it is professionally, or at least orderly expressed as well spell corrected.

But it is not.

Truncated words. Strange unfinished sentences which do not fit in the Swedish language. And expressions that are off, like referring to "a web quote called XPAN about Olof, edited by Ralf P"

Uhm ?! What ? It is a web page / or call it home page, whatever you prefer. And it isn't a quote or anything. It is a Personal Diary written by me, Ralf Pergandé, with my memories, thoughts and feelings in it.

Editing of course I do - it would be strange otherwise. But what EXACTLY is it this Brian Telle wants to express ? Finding himself worthy to include words like Police, Lawyer, Crime ?!


If I would be dead...

So, if i would be dead, and somebody wrote something about my person - would my husband then go out on a rampage and claim the rights of - let's say the other persons photography, thoughts, memories and opinions ?!

Is this even possible or reasonable ?

I am sure that a couple of my old boyfriends certainly don't feel positive about me as a person. OK, fine. That's the way things go sometimes. Some relations do ease out over time, get solved, forgotten or forgiven. Others don't. That is all OK. It is not my duty to censor the opinions about other people and claim to be the only one who is in the right. And on top demanding the sole rights over what others think and write.

Unless we are in a totalitarian state of course... where every fucker points the finger at somebody else they don't like or feel offended by while also feeling entitled for whatever rights they think have - and go to the authorities - which i am sure in a Stasi system, would gain great success in the outcome for crummy demands of petty tyrants.


If i would be in the opposite position ?

Let's say they/somebody writes something about my person, which could be read on the internet. Let's say it is their personal Diary ? Would I feel offended ? Perhaps a little yes. It would feel annoying to read it - but imagine we knew ALL thoughts of what people have in their heads - we would probably hate / dislike it. And surely be unable to cope with it. Diaries are always a bit sensitive in that regard, when you think about it.

I personally would probably snap out of things - because i do acknowledge the right of human beings of her or his own opinions, whether I deem those right or wrong, whether I like them or not. Sure, I can have an opinion about it...

It would then be their story about me, their perspective, whether true or twisted - what the heck would i want to say against that ?

It is not in my right, to steer, control and censor what other people think or write about me.

If I cannot accept that, than i am in for deep trouble with a lot of other people's opinions. Everyone has a lot of opinions about other people - and not always so nice. Almost nobody is honest about it - and hide behind white lies and smiles ! Now: Try to control that - well - that's a fight against reality.

A fight that is lost by 100%.

Would I let myself get sucked into it that - because my brain can't snap out of it ? I certainly wouldn't write that they are criminals, or go to the police to do... well, exactly what ? Claiming the rights about an opinion and memories about deceased person in the family, also to be my right and domain ?

Maybe some people feel that entitled to everything they think - even if it isn't even about themselves in person.



Speaking about "crime".

I addressed Olof in my memories and reflections - not his family. I am not even writing about my ex boyfriend's family, because I didn't know them. So, there is nothing in my memories to write about.

There is a difference. The person Olof is deceased - not alive. (And he is/was NOT a bad person - which they seem to have failed to acknowledge. Funny; we love to see the bad stuff, and forget about the good thats been said, too.

Regardless what Olof and I once shared - and we had our difficulties and problems for sure. And there was a profound lack of honesty / transparency, which lead up to that the relationship wasn't working. You have to be two to Tango. It is that simple. I told that my current husband that too, when he in a few rare events slipped in the honesty department. Now he gets it - and realizes it just works much better, when being honest and transparent. THAT is what creates RESPECT for real.

It also built up strength: to have to courage to choose, to be and staying honest !

Yet - sometimes we need to make those errors of judgment, in order to learn. So: bad isn't always bad in the long run. It is part of the lessons in life which shape the persona and the soul - but also the direction for a soul, it's inclination towards "Serve to Others" or "Serve to Self".

Whatever I wrote about Olof - I wrote honestly from my perspective and memories.

Does that make Olof bad ? No, I don't think so. I have always considered him to be a person who grew with a positive inclination though life - and he did. I never doubted about that. But it also didn't change my memories. It changed my future view of Olof later on (2007+) instead.

Nothing i wrote about him, has been "made up" or "been taken out of the blue". If I would do that - than the whole thing about my Personal Diary, fails its purpose, to be my own Therapy "room".

If i lie in my Diary - than the fuck i don't need a Diary in the first place.



Olof and I made up about our past back in 2008 - came to terms, in peace - when we met a couple of times - and there were no hard feelings´left. Don't believe me ? Well, how else would i have plenty of portraits of him from those meetings ? He would hardly allowed that, if we still would been in conflict, don't you think ?


Freedom of Expression.

So, how far does the right of freedom of expression get shortcut nowadays ? You are going to cancel my thoughts, too ? Is this where this is going ? Funny how people feel entitled these days...

You cannot own my photography, to begin with. Nor my thoughts and memories. What the fuck, you know. Imagine someone would do that with you.

And yeah, you are free to call me whatever you like, whatever you wish to write, whatever you may want to spin together about "me". In reality - and in truth - you don't know me.


A matter of perspective

When I write into my Diary, I write it accordingly and as honest as possible from my perspective. This will not change - and I do not care whatever you may think about it or not. (Naturally it isn't the absolute truth - because it cannot be, regardless from which perspective something is written about). I do not claim to sit on the truth. But i am as truthful as I can be in my Diary - since it's creation in 1993 (which by the way includes Olof T, and I also got all his letters. Just saying).


Before claiming words like "Crime"

- you out to take care of the garbage in your own house, before you go on an immediate battle at other houses, calling out for "crime" and "Police" and god knows what a heated mind is capable of in the name of "justice". You mean, your "justice", of course.

I had another husband, who once called me a criminal - because it suited him, not to enlighten about his own 'criminal' actions. While I wasn't innocent person - but not a criminal. I simply bailed out in a moment, when I was supposed to sign something at the authorities, who at closer look, stated - that If i am not truthful - i would risk a jail time of 6 month.

I said to Perry (2004): I am NOT signing this. It would be untrue of i signed this paper...

He was absolutely furious, which he barely kept it together.

Why my refusal ?

Because I didn't serve his ego's goal. Because I said exactly like it was; Not committing a crime for his sake, to state that we lived together (in front of the authorities), when we were not living together (but already separated). He took it for granted, that I would sign. And the funny thing is that He called me a criminal. Not himself who tried to "seduce" me into such an action.


A big word...

You know, it is a BIG word coming from a very anonymous person, writing a crappy letter, I must say. It ain't no art when hiding behind a tree - while screaming that a bogey man has come to town. Before you call people "criminals" - you out to look at the garbage in front of your own house first.


I probably just waste my time here.

End of the Story.


After Thoughts

The good things out of all this is - that I have written enough about Olof - the old stuff, the personal stories. That they have found their natural end (with an unusual twist from the recent events). So, of course, the old stories of what once connected Olof T and me, the twists and turns - they do not matter in the bigger picture.

They are however memories - my memories. With all the dark and light spots attached, we both had.

So, like with most "stories" - we tell ourselves, out of the memories, experiences, thoughts, and emotions - including the hidden once that may perhaps not be worked on yet... These stories are in the end, just stories. But they do not in truth define a person (most of the time, with a few exceptions).

When it is about Olof - I know - and have known since the mid 00s, that Olof is a good soul. And there is absolutely no doubt about it. I see the Olof from the 90s, more of a soul who made mistakes in good and in bad. And it certainly was a confusing time - even with whatever he other wise dealt with in his heart, soul and ego - wasn't so easy. Also the premature death of his father, did put a shadow over his heart - despite him not talking much about it. I think it made a part of him, feel confused and lost (back then).

When I met Olof T later in the 00s, I sensed a personal who had matured - at the same time he has his main characteristics - the things that made Olof the unique person he was. You know, everyone has a couple of streaks which are so typical for that person, and only that person. It is like hallmarks, you know.

Whatever negative that was in the past (90s), between him and me - we surely got over it in peace. Albeit we actually didn't even discuss it in details - which was a bit odd. But I felt that it wasn't even necessary to waste time on the past stories we had. So, instead we spoke in peace about everything else.

One time i met him spontaneously out of the blue in the street - it was Götgatan near Skanstull - he just grabbed me, and gave me this huge, strong hug - just like that. (No strings attached).

It felt genuine, sincere - and honest !

So, of course, regardless our/my "stories" - I never doubted that Olof was and is a good soul, and had a special, unique wit and humor.

I don't need threats from strangers, to know this by heart, silly.

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