The issue

The development of what i once thought was a beginning friendship with depths and a lot of joy - and the blatant discovery of really nasty manipulation, passive-aggressive behavior and a total fallout mixed with what i later realized, where just plain, nasty lies... it does linger inside of me.

Most of all i feel deep anger. A kind of... hot, angry feeling of betrayal. To even dare to use such shameless cover stories, just in order to get out of a rather banal situation - which would in truth, only required to say "I just want to be alone fir a while". Or something similar. But instead creating an intrigue, using a very serious screen reason, which makes other people believe that person - and aid with emotional and mental support.

She just made all that shit up. Just like that. And the play, the gesture, the false "half" tears and non-verbal dramatic performance... which then - when she thought, i swallowed the lie - she then relaxed, and was only 10 minutes in unusual high spirits. Which then continued, as if nothing ever happened.

Totally wicked lady, to say the least.

Man what a performance. And all that make me almost furious at times, when i think about it. I mean, there doesn't seem to be any honest about at all. What it really all fakery which aids her wicked personality, to support, to get emotion and sympathy ?

Man, there are some truly wicked ladies out there. Incredible.

One hell of a performance !

And then the ice cold behavior, in such a cold, way, as if i had a robot in front of me. A cold hammered psychopath, with even the slightest of movement. She surely has been in that situation before that people revealed her - and learned how to let it all pearl off, as if nothing ever happened - making herself immune to any kind of angry reactions from her counterparts, when they realize how they got utterly lied to.

What a performance to pull of human interactions like that. I have seen some very indifferent, cold reactions in my life - but that lady - she took the cake. It was basically "flawless" in performance. Like water meeting an oil jacket.

What a life to live like that.

A different kind of fantasy life. And no, I so not excuse her "bad past" - because God knows, what was real or fakery about her troublesome past in her youth. I can't judge what was actually real, or just a highly twisted version spoken from her perspective.

But certainly - it has - let's face it - to numerous crashes of relationships, friendships and partners. And always - which does start to get suspicious - it is the other ones who "harmed" her, being nasty to her, being no good people.

I have NEVER heard her saying that she might also contributed to the outcome of her failed relationships and other contacts to people. It is always the others...

I believed her of course. But now I see a strong pattern, and realize - that many failed relationships, can't possibly always been the fault of others.

Its just impossible.

That girl, is one hell of a fucked up psycho mind creation.

Apparently., she had it coming - and I can't say that I believe anything will change in that regard - when everything else went down the drain for many decades, the same routed.

The 'poor girl routine'

Ah, but it is the "poor girl" - everyone has been mean to her. She masks this routine in a passive way; e.g. she is strong enough to "go her own way", but indicates how broken and fragile she is - yet at the same time, in a weird way, you glimpse a sort of "Queen Bitch" like, strength. So, she doesn't really care (I would say) Yet she let's you at the same time know - indirectly - how little confidence she has in her self, and how bad her experience has been from other people and parents in her past.

It is one hell of a sweet-innocent cluster-fuck game she is playing.

Entitlement

There is a passive entitlement bobbing around combined with an indirect "poor me" type of way, with she seemingly humble transports outwards by constantly excusing her self - for absolutely everything - which never ever requires anything like an excuse. It's really weird. It is like pretending "Oh excuse poor me". Pretending to be stupid or silly. (does that increase the sympathy for her ?!) But there is nothing stupid or silly about her actions and way to act. She is a cold calculating, programmed entity who knows exactly how to play games with other people - and how to set the stage (with those who is "friend" with or communicate with her)

Now I realize the twists and turns. How intricate spun the whole thing works in her "communication". She "hates" those she can't influence, claiming "they don't like me". That too, is an interesting observation - I didn't understand until now. Some people are immune to her gaming - it's that simple. But it is always the others fault, you see. She doesn't see her own doing in the outcome.

Natural, intuitive defenses kick in with some people

If you create something wicked, then you have to count on that some people will not go along with your bullshit, and take distance, or even reject you. Some people do that by instinct, I would assume. A common sense type of invisible defense against the wicked ones who play games with the minds of others.

Except when it truly counts in human relation - she never apologizes ! Ever.

You then never hear anything like a true insight, that includes her actions - what consequences that might have had to the outcome of a contact or situation gone sour.

Now - if you break the trust and confidence of people's friendship, with blatantly performed super drama lies - fake tears and absurd reasons - just to mask a simple, harmless communication black-out of 6 weeks... then please do not be surprise, that people give you the boot.

Anyway; why all that drama performances in the first place ? Why the abhorrent lie with help of a scenario "she been badly exposed from a guy" - just to "explain" why she out of the blue after great contact between us - suddenly goes silent for 6 weeks ? I believed her at first, and acted on that with great support... But everything afterwards, made me realize, it was just a fake story.

Proportions off the scale

I mean it is like using a 50x over proportional - a total drama - for something, that never required her to do anything - than just to say "I wanted to be alone for a while". Instead you get fake tears, non-verbal guttural (!) expressions. Her newly bought ice-cream, not even touched, she throws into the bin and walks away. (because in that moment she didn't know what to say to me [yet]). The story she made up, came 1.5 hours later when we met again.

Which then, when she thought i swallowed that serious lie without a hitch - 10 minutes later became that high spirited, laughing and joking woman. The subject never came back to discussion, nor did she ever, not even in the slightest - radiate any disturbances, troubled thoughts, mood-swings or anything like that, which could have indicated that she gone though something extremely serious...

Even if you as a woman, experience a deeply hostile situation, get abused - and then you try to hide that... you can never hide 100% your body's and soul's troubled emotions entirely; it would always somehow show though signs, glitches and in other ways radiate that you just gone though something horrible. Deep down a part of you, wants to 'communicate' that in some form, because you mentally hold against and don't want to talk about it.

None of that was present. Not even the slightest. Not in any way.

Instead we entered a period

at work, creating wonderful photographic light paintings. Hugged and laughed. I am very sensitive, and can discern immediately when a person is troubled after an utmost, serious "event". Even non-serious things, that make people a bit dampened or troubled - is registered on my radar. I know my colleagues, and the people - especially those who are a bit closer to me.

Nothing.

There was absolutely nothing that would have indicated a duller mood or effect from the (faked) "event" she staged. There was simple nothing. I get the impression she was just so relieved that her lie went down effortlessly without any consequences - since i believed her. Also, i am sure she was glad that I never brought it up for discussion, asking questions what really happened, how she felt afterwards, a bit later. But there was nothing that indicated anything afterwards.

Quietly - I did have my suspicions.

Nobody is that unaffected, while then 10 minutes later and onwards - showing genuine joy, having fun, going into all kinds of discussions, even private ones... If the event like she claimed had happened - its traces would have been radiated, both directly as well indirectly. Sensitive people capture such things, without doubt, in one or the other way.

Instead she was in genuine good mood, like i knew her. Nothing what so ever indicated that what she claimed to have experienced - ever happened.

It was a blatant fake.

And God knows what goes through a wicked mind, to confront people with such lies, manipulating people who are friendly to her by believing her. You really put the whole trust at stake. But psychopaths are not interested in trust. They are more interested in effect, control and manipulation.

A very disturbed "girl"-woman - would be a far more appropriate way to title her.