STOFF Festival
In Stockholm, August 2013
It was Daniel who read a little insert in a newspaper, telling about Jane Badler performing at the Stockholm STOFF Festival. We were, I don't know... perhaps 8 people in a big theater room... and there she was. Sitting like 3 meters in front of her.
She is a really power lady - and she loves to play with expressions, her forms and looks. It triggered an interesting journey in me, like a little seed which ultimately lead to the separation between Daniel and me a half year later. Which was a story filled with lies and deception which I honestly didn't fully see in Daniel. The staggering way of dualism, to play at "two weddings at the same time". And as usual - the cowardliness, like a dog who puts his tail between his legs.
I really can't explain (in hindsight), what this performance Jane Badler did back then. It felt as if she was telling a story with her songs, from her time in Hollywood, before and after the craze of the hugely "V" TV series, which run around the world like a wildfire back in 1983-84. Her playing "Diana" the evil lizard queen.
Hollywood
Her songs at the STOFF festival had a double meaning. It kind of told the story of a woman, who gradually came to her senses, among the vast shallowness among the people and performers in Hollywood. And the low status of women at that time. Well, you know the story of many women who want to get somewhere. The unspoken (as well outspoken) requirements. The disappointments, the manipulation.
So, I sensed that Jane Badler kind of set things straight afterwards in her life, along the path of age and wisdom. You realize a lot of things as you grow older... It felt like a story of becoming Jane - and more her inner nature, her wishes, wantings and playing with it - but under her own authority and free will - nut through the constant of others bossing over her - with all kinds of demands, i am sure even sexual ones - which was and still is common in Hollywood. And like in many situations, you try to sort it out though a combination between adapting, and rejecting "gently". It is like a mind game... Never knowing if you can trust the people you deal with. But form what I understood, she was at the same time also an outgoing person, with brilliant wits.
The performance that afternoon
in Stockholm, started a process in me... Like tiny little seeds - and i remember that very well. (Albeit not knowing what just happened or why).
Afterwards i felt... a tiny center, resembling the touch of power and revolt. Nothing spectacular - and yet so distinct in its resonance. Which also would become beginning of becoming me, Ralf, later (ultimately leading to a very different kind of relationship and marriage with Sal)
Perhaps the start of the elderly version begun in me... that tiny seed birthed during the performance of Jane Badler.
The seeds, which later lead me to realize, what i truly want in my life (including relationship), the pro's and con's, closer based on my true inner self. To be able to set boundaries in times when people close to my heart, are playing a double roll. Where to set the limits. But first one needs to know oneself in a much deeper manner... in order to understand what one truly loves / likes / wants / doesn't want.
Instead of being versions of oneself based on the past (and its programmings and entanglements, with those who were in it. Who probably / most likely where after other aspects, but not really in for... real me, as Ralf.
Yeah. The show with Jane Badler was awesome
- even more so because of those inner moments, lingering impressions i got - and the flow of power and emancipation. (I am not sure if that is the right word. But about shedding off shells and masks from the past) I sat there, seemingly occupied to take images - but below the surface - a lot of question marks got raised. There were not final words or sentences. More like lingering impressions, in which i wondered about many things. As I said before - small tiny seeds starting a motion in me- still in its infancy. Parallel to the stories which Jane Badler transported though music and words about her life, and her reflections about it.
I should revisit what I wrote in my Diary about the event - back in 2013 (to which Jane Badler later referred to my homepage, because she loved my interpretation). I just tried to put finger on the impressions i got. Kind of the "messages" beyond what they eyes see, which senses can capture / connection to. |
