Olof was a very handsome dude

no doubt about that. I think a part of me kept that a bit in secrecy. I was never much for giving people who are stunningly handsome, by pouring even more fame and gloss over them. I guess, I was afraid of them taking off too much. I even might have had an ambivalent relationship for my secret admiration of their beauty and handsomeness ! I mean secretly I could or would wanted to ooze my admiration about their looks. But I didn't say that so much. I felt like spoiling young adults is like pouring sugar into their asses, becoming even more vain. Or something like that.

So you see - I did have an ambivalent relationship to those matters. I also believe, because of that, my psyche tried to "Balance it", by joking with them instead. But it might have lead to that they felt... I don't know... that I didn't appreciate them enough ? Or that I might have given the impression of putting distance in between us.


It's a possibility. A theory in progress.

But the thing is - my heard loved them, their features, their handsomeness, their beauty. And perhaps I sometimes felt that they didn't deserve so much "spotlight". Afraid of them getting too spoiled, or horror - becoming used to always getting attention because of their beauty. Again, you may notice that I had ambivalent feeling about the whole subjects.

But make no mistake - it wasn't about competition or that I wouldn't want them to have too much attention form others. Not at all - that didn't bother me at all - on the contrary.


Taking things for granted - that ain't Art

But in the intimate sphere of our relationships, I feel sometimes people take things for granted to such a degree, that I don't want to add more of the same, oozing a lot of appreciation about their looks (of all things, you know). I am a bit allergic to people who are too spoiled, who don't cultivate appreciation of other,s because they are so full of themselves. It is one of the most unsexy, unattractive features a human being can have.

Well and today, in 2022, we got more than plenty of those suckers who think their spotlight is bigger than life itself. The whole fucking social media is crammed with them. And they have made themselves so dependent onto their oversizes ego's, that you can't breathe, thrive or live in their vicinity.

It's so exhausting.

- 97 -