Lost in translation
Well, the whole "Medium format Camera" business is today a Geek theme, I would suggest. Try to explain that to a non photographer, well anyone else, the difference and significance... You know, the thing about different sensor sizes and large "image circle" lenses á lá 6x7 format... and they get totally lost.
And why wouldn't they, i mean i do understand that (today)
Repeating 1987 ?
But at the same time - it makes me feel like... well, like back in 1987 with the 6x7 medium format camera - but I couldn't explain my deep enthusiasm, and the the significance i thought, such a difference between a normal 35mm camera vs larger film size has.
It got lost on them, you know. With it, I also felt my enthusiasm got lost (Plus the trap that ones stays within the technical aspects - instead of focusing onto the artistic aspects). Luckily I did do the latter.... but somehow it would take several years more, for emotions actually to unfold within the images I made.
Senses and Energy
Actually sometimes, people did continue to 'listen' to me - back when i was 23 and onwards - but it wasn't the content of photography as such... It was as if they got "smitten" by the enthusiasm. The energy and feeling instead. I remember this often as being pretty confusing: At one hand, they seemed to listened, but on the other hand - they didn't really.
So, what was that then ?
Instead it was something that could be sensed deep down in me, that people got "drawn to me" - but not because of what i said, but because how i said it. My interpretation later was - like a gradual insight, that people got captured by a positive tilted energy, sprung forth by my deep passion and expressions (and a young attractive face + me often having been pretty lively. Always that enthusiasm, you know *grin*
What I didn't know was what meaning this effect/dynamic had. Did people take a bath in energy ? Or was it a sort of psychological consumption ? I felt at times a bit frustrated, because i didn't want people to get closer to me, simple because of looks or because of "enthusiastic strong energy". I rather preferred to meet people who perhaps had similar interests... or even did photo work themselves.
Which never happened.
I never met people with similar interests in photography and dark room work.
So, I just did "my thing" then... Funny. The thing with social and psychological interactions, dynamics and mechanisms. I guess, that in relationships and attractions, similar energies flow. As well mishaps. That you get attracted by a person - but not what the person tells in content - but the energy he or she releases when he/she is in her passion. I also think that is often why we meet "the wrong guy". We get attracted by something, without fully understanding what it exactly is we are attracted by (I mean, the underpinnings and dynamics).
Perry (2003-05) as one example
Like getting attracted by a handsome guy, but not so much by the content he says/tells/discusses. Charm and jokes is one thing - albeit it can be very pleasant at first,, combined with a hunky look. I remember Perry back in the early 2000s was to my eye, most incredible handsome. I never felt so strong for a guy like him - and he was absolutely sweet (albeit in very rare cases, I got already in the beginning a glimpse of a very strange, proud and "superior" type of man, who looks down on many other people... Pretty nasty. And confusing). As I said - it only came out once or twice during the time, before we moved in together - but I remember that there was a cold person somewhere in there. One who didn't care at all, when it gets rough or when you don't agree. A strange darkness, so to speak.
Well, that explained a lot, two years later anyway. Cold calculation. Sweet, handsome, an hidden stream of sociopathic currents flowing, perhaps?
Deeper wisdom, the ability to reflect, express and do at times some soul searching ? To develop a sense of deeper communication ? All that wasn't, or didn't seem to be present with Perry. It always stayed... well, at the surface. Without a single initiative from his side, showing the desire to develop a deeper communication with a partner, on various subjects and the life on this earth, and among people, with people. It was at best a sort of "learned in adaptation" from his side.
Sweet and Handsome as well calm. He was so well mannered on the outside and in casual interactions with others. And silly with good friends, because well, it is wonderful to be silly with friends. No blame. I love it too and i am more silly than ever (and so is Sal).
So, energies / dynamics about Perry (2003)
- the things to say, subjects to speak and to discuss about... stayed at a type of talking where you (both) talk about what is already taken for granted. That makes it easy to agree. Plain and smooth. Like a superficial repetition. Without depths or core, really.
He would or could agree on things, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. But nothing constructive would emerge from/out of it. I wonder if he lived with his soul alone, even in a relationship, not really truly sharing anything of his deeper being. At least not back then, 20 years ago. Today, I don't know of course. I doubt much has changed, really. But that is an assumption.
There was just not much going on of deeper intellect. (Who know,s perhaps that wasn't the meaning with that relationship in the first place, but more of a planned idea from his side, on God knows, whatever mission he was on, i had no clue of).
Nor was there anything to develop on a deeper level. It was as if... I don't know. Perry wanted to achieve certain criteria in life - comfort and structures. I don't think we had anything in common on an intellectual level, or in soul, spirit and wisdom matters. He would answer... like a machine - don't get me wrong here. I mean, like somebody who learned to answer in a casual, good mannered way - but not though deeper experience, reflection and soul searching. He was excellent in learning, intelligent and a quick learner in how so adapt socially in structures like companies and hidden structures of serving power. But... spiritually... there was nothing going on. Emotionally however, there seemed to be a reflective, sensitive person. But he did not show that to anyone. So, I don't know, if that was a real things or emulated in order to achieve goals, and how to "interact" with other people he had interest in.
As I once said 20 years ago, you make a perfect spy, Perry. Innocent, charming, well adapted and kind of funny... Everyone thought Perry was such a nice, well mannered guy.
Oh well.
Back to Raffi.
I often felt very silly afterwards, kind of guilty - that when i babbled on about photography and everything else - that i "took over" someone. Or push someone with stuff nobody truly was interested in. It made me deeply unsettled back in the 80s and 90s, I remember. I felt... uh. Very unpleasant feeling, to say the least. Kind of strange, though. I think i felt guilty, because I couldn't deal with my own energies and strong enthusiasm - so it spilled over to other - I couldn't help it.
Actually, it still happens. I see that in my interactions with Sal - that i when i am truly passionate about a subject, can sort of "punch it on him", not respecting the limits. I don't do that as much at work - and keep it more casual, most of the time.
Again, there is something about the energy signature. I still can be so intense, passionate and enthusiastic, almost like a teenager. Nothing seem to have changed, really. Kind of strange when you think about it. You can never call me dull...
So occasionally it does happen even in my present life (that if i talk too much about geek things, nobody in my surrounding really understands) but it spills over from me out to others anyway. Back then, it felt that I "failed", you know. Not keeping myself at bay. (Today - I can handle it - and don't blame myself when it has happened).
Back to Photography.
Sal does actually understand a little bit of the technique
i am using right now with the rotating Vertex adapter. simply, because he sees how I use the big 6x7 lenses on a fullframe camera - and the way i deal with it by turning it around by 90 degree for each image, in order to "put it together" later in the computer ("stitching parts of images together to a bigger whole").
Because he has witnessed it - so, it gives him a practical sense of the basics. Sal is a strong learner, once he SEES things, how they work. THEN he understand the principle of it. He has more difficulties to learn from theory. I believe this isn't so strange - most people learn better when they see practical examples, how something is done - it is much better to repeat and implement it yourself.
I remember, that taking notes in a book you have to study - let's say for work (subway, trains etc) - makes it suddenly a bit easier to remember later, how certain rules are applied within the world of trains, signals etc. (therefore, doing all this on a digital device - take some of the deeper learning and memory process away). Physical pages, and something so simple as putting a note next to a printed text on paper - has a larger influence on the learning process than you think it has.
Analog vs Digital - the effect on our brain cells
as well the effect on learning
I listened not so long time ago about a podcast with a German brain scientist, who explained the negative effects of the digital world has on us, and how the physical aspects are important for the brain; like books, taking physical notes, doing and creating things with our hands - instead of very repetitive gestures done at a digital device - the latter have a highly negative effect on the development of the brain. But rather adding to the effect to make brain cells die off in larger amounts over time, as some areas are not utilized / stimulated, when do too much digital, repetitive stuff on digital devices. Now think of children. The effect is devastating from a perspective of learning social interactions - those devices do exactly the opposite; how to develop less emphatic into an adult.
I was blown away. And it isn't the first time I have read and listened more about this subject, etc
Does that ring a bell, when we look around today ? The lack of interaction and true presence and empathy in younger people ? There is a strong correlation to be found. Many in fact.
And how many times have I now seen mothers and father, while rolling their children around in stroller, but constantly buried with they faces down on their mobile phones, while walking with their kid !!
That feels really strange, to sat the least. Having your mom or dad, being busy with their mobile phones, than with you as a little kid - and not a way to go.
However, that is where it already has been going on, for many years.
Digital puppets
loosing their humanity, in little gradual pieces lost over time (without themselves even realizing). Like an alcoholic in denial, so to speak. And what then ? Just following orders and "recommendations", huh ? Anything goes. Take a shot. And another. It is good for your health. While 20-30 million deaths later - take one more shot.
And nobody reacts on that our leaders have been supporting a deliberate test genocide in 2020-2023. 100+ Million people, who where healthy, got their lives altered, their health destroyed. From blindness to severe damages in the body. Because of a genetic altering injection(s) - which was rolled out with free lottery, false advertising, and the promise of "getting back your life" (the problem, they have created with lockdown, and then created the solution, to be sold to you, with murderous advertising and laws - either you take the shot(s) - or loose your job and livelihood.
And then - our leaders call all that... Democracy & Freedom.
How can that possibly be ?!
To swallow the lies big as elephants, you need people who do not think for themselves anymore, or only react on virtual "advantages" for themselves, if they do this or that - but when based on lies - you don't get at all what you originally thought you would gain from it. And many lives have gotten destroyed because of that everything behind the Covid-19 Plandemic and the "vaccinations" was a lie. The biggest (this far) of the 21th Century.
It must be really to great advantage for the ruling Powers To Be, to control the people who have now turned into digital junkies.
"Like a dream come true".
And the "best" thing of all is, that you dismiss all this I wrote as bullshit. THAT is what makes the best slave in the world. The one who doesn't see, doesn't realize, nor reflecting upon his/her own and other peoples condition in the system. You are not supposed to think into that direction, not to see through the veils of deception. You are supposed to believe what your Gov, authorities, TV and newspaper tell you to be "more or less" true. To make you, by your own free will, to FEEL that what they say - rings true.
That is the purpose of media.
And THAT makes a REAL Slave.
He/she will dismiss any criticism against the system, and dismiss everyone else who dares to call things in questions. And accept the conditions he/she is into - the lifestyle he/she gotten used to "still being pretty much OK as it is".
Amen.
OK
OK • So, I drifted off from Medium Format Photography, into my own past revolving enthusiasm & energies, and how other people responded to me vs how I felt about their "interest" in me, but also dealt with my own guilt feelings, when talking too much.
Then walking over to energy and attraction, into the subject of relationship, with an example about Perry 20 years ago, and then into our current ruling system, digital devices, effects on our brain, and finally the Covid Plandemic and the devastating genetic injections and maddening millions of deaths they have caused, not to mention the hundred million severely damaged... Yet - it isn't really that much talked about (here in Sweden it certainly is NOT).
And finally, the hidden slave functions we have come to accept as our current, free and democratic chosen lifestyle, we love and accept "as it is" - already preparing us to accept even worse things (under the falsehood, telling you that it is to your advantage).
Which we would never have accepted, if the truth had been told “as it is”. But perhaps that exactly - is our duty as human beings ?!
To piece through the veils of deceptions - finding our truths, beyond the swamp of our own egos and wishful thinking, we most often are ruled by.
The Frog
You put the frog into a big pot with water - and turn on the heat, just very, very slowly. The Frog will not jump out, and eventually die when it is too late.
If you would put the frog directly into hot water - it would jump out immediately
Or so, it is said. |
