My philosophy

is that in a world which has gotten so... sloppy, and only cares for "freedom" (ego, irresponsibility and wanting to choose like kings and queens), I feel that more discipline is the way that is missing.

Not as a thing that MUST be done - but something that gives you balance, alignment - in order to have the freedom to "break the rules", then - in order to do what your spirit/soul inspires you to do.

So, what i am saying is, it is all about learning, playfulness and experimentation. But each one in its own time. When you learn something from the ground up - it gives you a sense of the general margins within an area. But that doesn't mean you should limit yourself by following rules. But you follow certain rules, because you then KNOW why there are in place (when for a good reason, or goal). Like if you deliver images for a client, you likely want to deliver sharp images.

Unless your goal is a different style where ultimate sharpness is not a goal in itself. But at least you know why, when and how.

Today's folks sometimes seem to mix everything up, and standards get dissolved. I admire the spirit of experimentation, but the dissolution of standards sometimes sucks - because it doesn't make it easy for those who come after, and try to learn from it.

That's why i think it is a good approach to learn step by step, ground up. And it still gives you all the room in the world to do experiments in photography. And you should. Play, be playful and everything there is. But lean the grounds - in order to understand what went wrong (if the results are not what you desired). Albeit, sometimes - the errors we make, can lead into making us into better photographers, or artists.

Just don't think you are the shit - work humble, but decisive.


"discipline", knowledge, experimentations

Of course you can use a digital medium format camera like Fuji GFX handheld. No problem. But I know that the comfort of just shooting away, over time tend to creep into lowering ones photo shooting discipline. In the end you try to avoid everything that has to do with tripods, because you are so used to "the easy way".

I already noticed that if i don't use the camera correctly, micro sharpness is already compromised. That is exactly what happens when using medium format cameras. the larger the sensor, the higher the resolution, the lower the margins of error. Already when you go above 24 MP, you can spot this phenomena !

It was the same with film: between a 35mm camera, and 6x6, 6x7 cameras - if the cheated with the latter, you had to pay dearly with degraded quality and a lot lower sharpness.


Now for arty purposes - yes, do shoot away

Why not ? it is fun - and it can open "portals", inspiration and new ideas. Absolutely !!! That is how i broke my spell back in 1990 - or at least it started there - when my images went from technical and boring to more playful with soul and fantasy.

But also first lean how to do it right - before you break the rules can be a very good thing. Not to form you into something static where you must obey rules. Not that. But because it helps you to have guidelines - which help you when you later make experiments - you can understand the differences, and how technical aspects can enhance your idea to do playful photography (and "breaking rules", and how this works in hindsight).

Because when people learn the basics for real, down to their spine - later when breaking the rules, you then know why you do it, and for what purpose. While at the same time, you allow open doors to the unexpected. With results to occur (which can lead you into more or new ideas along the road).

But learning something loosely... half-half, and sloppy... meh ! And then some people tend to think they are the shit. Remember the saying. "The Sorcerers Apprentice", fast out thinking he owns the world - and then serious mistakes happen.

Think of Yoda.

Learn from the bottom all the way up. And THEN you can be a chooser - for the right reasons - and pretty often - on your own terms, for the right reason (and not based on ego and attitude).

Of course you are supposed to mix, experiment and test all kinds of ways how to express yourself with your tools. Absolutely. But also lean things the "right" way - so that you then, understand when you wish to do things the "wrong" way, and go against rules.

I am not saying you shouldn't. I am saying; learn things ground up correctly - and THEN enjoy the freedom of breaking the rules in the way you see fit.

Also; the right way isn't always about buying stuff to become better (I tripped on this trap countless times in my life, believe me...)


When I look back

Of course I see the many errors I made back in the days, and sometimes wonder... why i thought i did a good job ?! When i look at many years of digital photography in the beginning... i am sometimes surprised over the increased sloppiness that type of photography animated me into...

I may sound harsh, but I don't mean it that hard. Just decisive, that's all.

I just wished that people would up their game a little bit in terms of quality in their photos. I do NOT mean perfection. It is easy to get blinded by super ultra sharpness and such technical aspects, that it tends to carry you away from the soul content of your images and photography. Perhaps this is how we grow - by going though various phases ? That when we go though all the stages of "obsession" - something better comes out later - when you recall your spirit, and say "I need you HERE, and not "over there, somewhere else".



Which means, you gone though the obsession of super sharpness and everything, but forgotten to load your images with soul. Well, then you can change that, and work on the latter. Because you now know the technical aspects of photography. Then it is time, to charge your images with soul, content, meaning.

There is also another thing: We all are a bit different. So, there are not true rules, of course. There are pointers, like "guides", which can help. But as I already said: we are different - the road to create good photography, can be very different individually.

How we reach to that point ? Or do we even want that ? Some people just love the technical side of photography, the geek side, the "to do with your hands", the tinkering side of things, the fascination of mechanical stuff. Kind of like a garage man with hundreds of different tools, tinkering all day.

And sometimes, we may choose not wanting to grow, but just to consume.

Who knows such things ?


One of the drawbacks with my Diary...

is that i have absolutely zero feedback. In what I say and write. This makes things a bit quirky... Feedback means, that one also gets a "vibration back". A resonance in which I can dwell, think and ponder about the contents of what I am saying. After all - there is a big world outside this bubble - and I simply cannot cover it, not even closely. And who knows, in what weird roads i sometimes get lost into, when I write...

We all are a bit different, after all.

What is good for me, doesn't mean it is good for you - or the other way around. Feedback always used to have a huge impact on me, often in a positive way - due to the nature of my complex underpinnings - creating lots of inspiration ! It is the factor of human interaction, which creates a dynamic in energies, resonances and stimulation.


The internet today

But the internet and how we communicate have changed vastly. In 2000-2005 there has been lots and lots of feedback. When people even over the internet still communicated in a way, as if we would sit together and discuss things eye to eye. I felt it was absolutely amazing and as I said - very inspirational ! It is always good to hear others people's thoughts. And i mean that in a good way, not thinking of corruption and bad attitudes. Most people are - nevertheless - still on the nice side, when you talk to them face to face - and it often makes more sense.

But it has gotten mostly lost on the internet today. Social media platforms have siphoned 99.9% of human interactions into their platforms (and i am not even speaking about the hundred thousands of bots there, who pretend to be someone who are not, etc).

So, yeah. It has become a very, very lonely place here *LOL* I'll accept that. It also has some advantages... because in the very end of everything - it is just a personal Diary, like it always has been. And today, after 23 years of existence with my Diary online... it is now as private as my private diary used to be, which nobody ever read.

It is kind of startling when you think about it. I mean m Diary is "out on the internet", and yet has turned into this micro bubble in a vast digital space we call internet. And it is as invisible and "private", like the one i wrote on developed photo paper back in the 90s.

I also believe, that interaction between people, whether on the internet or in real life, kind of creates an invisible form of "discipline", striking a balance. I would probably write more careful if there would been feedback from others. No wait, careful is the wrong word. I mean, i would perhaps choose to keep my balance of respect towards other people on a more humble side.

Deep down, that is me. But my outer me, the way I write here, is sometimes really, pissed off, and i don't keep back on my bad words !

After for many, many years writing alone here - i would side, that I sometimes slid into a very rough, nasty, very angry attitude. My anger (and masked sadness) in what I see is happening in the world which has grown beyond all common sense. I find it very difficult to balance the things, especially from the past 3.5 years where exceptional dark evil has been laid upon humanity, under the disguise of safety, security and health.


In the beginning of my Internet Diary (y 2000+)

I always felt that in the beginning of my Internet Diary writings, i kept a more humble style in the early 2000s. But i also was more naive, and a lot of what I dreamed of, thought of, wrote about... was wishful thinking. I projected sometimes almost deliberately things into people close to me, which they were not. I remember very well, that in the beginning of my relationship with Perry, i sort of lifted him to heights... which where not really all true. It was my projections on him.

No wonder one fell deep, when reality bit me in the ass several times. And as well revealed my own dark sides and glitches, on top (which I don't mind to shed light on, in order to learn from it).

I put myself into wonderland with Perry in the beginning. Something in me insisted on "showing off" like that. Because I was very happy - but i did ignore the more serious, kind of masked signs - of a guy a very different in nature compared to what he showed off to me/to others. Ultimately I was most likely just a tool on his road to whatever he was seeking to accomplish. (it would have gone down the drain anyway, after ones purpose was of no use anymore).

I mean the connection between Perry and me simply not a fruitful connection, for none of us. But it had deserved more light onto such things, in good time, before I chose to run deep into that relationship (and i wanted to very much, as I was also deeply in love with the guy). So yeah, it was my choice - I can't really blame anyone *grin*. I chose to ignore, I remember that very well. I shielded it, because i wanted the experience with him not to end or be disrupted (i am mainly talking about the first year, before we got married).

And maybe that was necessary, too. I mean the bad stuff that developed between us - for the future roads we were meant to walk on, doing our own experience individually, but not together.

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