During the nights, I have had very strange and at times threatening dreams. (Rather unusual for me) It is about war, about fleeing, about trying to find ways... (Not surprising given the state in the world, the "makers" of politics so hostile to life, and so married to ego and power, not hesitant to let the world go down the drain. After all, that is what the "invisible" makes behind the puppets on the public stage seem to year for. (there are many onion layers behind the scenes of what we see...).

Irrationality seem to ride the puppets we call politicians and leaders. Eye for an eye, that kind of shit.

When I wake up from my dreams, I just don't seem to remember much... just lingering feelings of awkwardness left in the room in some corner... and then dissipating into seemingly nothing. While the mind and auto-thoughts, quickly take over another day in life with trivial thoughts...


Risk of depression aka
"falling into a dark hole"

I feel like I have been in a dark place lately, and i have seen it in my health level, but now i realize (partially) that this is a more serious depression at the core - where the body weakens as a result. Nothing serious, but at the same time it felt as if somebody pulled the plug, and life energy is expelled.

I am sure, for the wrong reasons, and towards the wrong direction.

Shouldn't I have known better. But i find it very difficult to stand aside, feeling nothing, while watching the horrific scenes that play out in the world, with new wars, new threats and all the shit that plays out behind our backs - for all the wrong reasons.

Reading newspapers are acting more like masked Nazi Germany propaganda or some similar regime, swooing into your face. Boy, imagine the destruction our common media has contributed to a large degree, by disinforming a d bluntly lying to public for... how long ? For decades, I realize. Of course they lie. It has never been so clear as it is today, no matter which mainstream media outlet you go to. The headlines and claims are beyond absurd to ad nauseaum.

Only now it becomes much more obvious, the lies are easier to spot, the irony and the total lack of common sense of what is decided "for us", but in reality against us human beings, becomes evident and frankly, if you still have a soul... pretty draining if you don't watch out.

It takes time to built up resiliance from within. Especially for anyone who just now starts to awaken - waits a very difficult path with many new traps, which are far too easy to jump into, whether by accident or though deep anger, or even fear. This process is of course extremly energy demanding when you start to look through the veil of deceptions.

For me it started in Autumn 2016 - and i felt like an angry, rotating discoboll for more than a half year - while the illusinary image i had about the world, the facades, where crumbling. In the beginning all i wanted was to go back to the old view. To the "safe heaven" of illusion. "just a little longer". Almost as if you want to crawl back into mommy's womb, comes to my mind.

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