Just as a formality, in these wicked times

The image was taken before Chinese company MTR took over the Stockholm subway in 2009. And before, there there were no direkt rules in places, that forbid to take such images. So, my images are older then that.

I took basically all my images in good time before since 1998. Many of them highly experimental (think longtime exposures at night, while lamps and lights are flying by) being very impressionistic ones, sometimes like dynamic paintings. I even won several first prizes with those.... during my 26+ years at the Stockholm subway.



I still have one camera with me, practically every single day (night), but I don't take many photos during my working ours.

There isn't anything I feel I can add after 26 years - compared to the tons (!) of images (and many lousy ones) I have taken in the past.

So, most of the time, when I do take a photo, it is when I am not driving. And most of the time, it is actually on my way home, when I walk through the woods, i sometimes take photos. It is convenient to have at least one real camera with me - even if I don't use it. But when I wish to do so - i can !

Occasionally I take portraits of my beloved colleagues - and that is something that lies warm to my heart. There are many, really lovely portraits been taken. Nowadays this isn't happening very often, simply because of my night shifts, in which I don't really meet my colleagues that often anymore.


Pinhole camera at night; 1.5 hours exposure

I simply drove like normal, but had a pinhole camera mounted in front of the driver cabin back in... let' me think... in 2005 i believe. Taken with the Zero 2000 (6x6) pinhole camera. It has an aperture equivalent of something like ƒ 133 (!)

So it wasn't any active photography, because the photo slowly built up itself during those 90 minutes of exposure.


Rotating "light painting"

Also made during 2005, i rotated the camera around the lens optical axis. well, not exactly because it did sometimes go out of rotation, becoming a bit irregular. It is not something you do with a larger camera. I did it with small compact cameras, like with Lumix LX series especially. Although in this example i tried it with a Fuji Finepix F11 camera. It was at the very beginning with this type of style.


I've always been a sucker for light painting

which stretches back to 1990 when I made my first attempts. That time, i kind of broke my boring photo style with something that let more spirit and soul into my photos. The experimental style, wasn't about sharpness or correctness - but about expansion and expulsion out of a very normy structure in life, society but also in my head, how i thought the world is like, and "should" be like. But that often lead to dead ends.

Perhaps that was meant to be - in order for me gradually to break out of tons of layers of my childhood. And Gods know,s how much dirt had to be removed in order to start breathing like a free human being again.

I like structure and order.


"Going beyond oneself"

But I also come to like - in periods - disorder, break outs, the sense of spirit, spontaneity, and perhaps most of all - playfulness penetrating the rules of too strong conservatism (the type for no good reasons) and encrusted dirt and sluggishness, that makes people dull, ingrown and the strange often in practice chosen cowardliness.

I needed mental and psychological roads, to penetrate all that. Something in which "i go beyond myself" so to speak. Beyond my own sluggishness, cowardliness and shyness. Something that with playfulness can penetrate these things with ease.

But I can't fake such state of mind and pretend it. It needs to be real, coming from within, and i have to feel the presence of it.




It took quite a while

to get a hang of this kind of style of Photography, the rotation, and the existing lights while the trains was moving forwards (or i was in the back, taking photos from there).

The Panasonic-Leica Lumix LX series, was light, slim and had a wonderful panoramic format - playing in an unusual section of compact cameras. So that was really one of the kind, i loved to play around with it. This was also a special time in 2007, me started to make myself free from a deep rooted marriage (i was so in love, beyond comprehension), and that did take a lot of energy to get myself out of all that, which felt like taking me prison. For the wrong reason in an emotional prison, so to speak.

So, that was the time of the "portals", which happened to arrive in my photography. One wonders what came first ? The spirit/soul doing some real changes, and therefore it manifests in my photography "spirit to materia", or the other way around, reflecting upon what I was doing with these "portal" images and what they meant while i was walking though life, and the changes that took place.

Nevertheless, the naming them "portal" was in itself a sign of changes - and I did a lot of thinking, ransacking and understood that "going through a portal" means you leave something behind, because the time is right to do so. You enter something new, which means changes. It is an act, like an inner process which of course manifest around you in life, as well.

And it is (in my example) it was, a Yes to life itself.

To say yes, I wanted to really live. While I am willing to change my perspective - which felt, was for the right reasons. Not though the veil of suffering and tears, because I didn't know any better (back then)

I kicked those "ghosts" who love suffering - keeping you in the shit, dwelling "for ever", into the butt.



Well, and then there is... Reality

It sounds good, doesn't it. Well reality, is a bit more complicated, as life is more messy. Because we often have second thoughts ,and when we don't watch you, we can easily slip back into a state of mind like earlier times. So, I did my bidding, and my mistakes even after the time of the "portals". In good and in bad.

I guess, that making errors, as well repeated errors does serve an important purpose. You need to learn from the mistakes. And because Free Will rules, it means, you can do your mistakes over and over again. Until you stop, because you with a deeper sense of your hearts intelligence finally have learned, that it ain't worth it and you know now with a much deeper sense, why you don't want that anymore (regardless of what other say, rules tell or laws want you to obey - or your own set of rules created by ego, which you hold too dear, too close and becomes one with your ego - which we are not. At least not in truth). But your mileage may vary.

When you do understand what your heart's intelligence actually is giving to you, telling you and making you understand what is more truthful for you ...

THEN you have LEARNED your LESSON.


Then the real changes take place.

Because the insight has now reached to deeper levels within your being. That is where the real magic takes place, and will - 100% - start to manifest into your life.

Everything else, more shallow sayings and "doings", are just that. (Kind of the category of "wishful thinking") Nothing more than words without real energy behind - and therefore doesn't stick into the world of materia - e.g. our lives the way we live it here, doesn't manifest the changes we say we desire.

Because the words we told ourselves and to others, where made on shallow grounds. More for the service of defense and lip-syncing service, and far less based on any honest inner reflections or deeper knowledge with true insight. How often do you actually know what your wise heart is telling you ? And how much do you really know if it is your ego speaking - or your true heart ? The ego is a master, a trickster in playing many rolls, like a magician. You would be surprised...

Can you even differentiate between the two ? Heart or Ego ? You may wanna learn to listen deeper...

In order to manifest changes into your life - you always need a deeper presence : an alignment of your different parts, your soul, heart and and "characters". When I say "your hearts intelligence", then I am referring to the most intelligent, WISE part of your being (let's say it is the part of your higher being).

I consider that to be connected to the universe itself (the creator energy). And when you listen to it, instead of your ego - then you do get answers which are normally not heard in the ongoing ,constant chatter of your mind / brain. Our ego is so frikkin loud,you know. And the brain is constantly doing automatic thoughts - which when we do not watch out - may take those "thoughts" for truths.

But they are 90% chatter. And not so rarely stupid thoughts. About our selves. About others. If you take that all for real truth - you are out for some serious trouble. For yourself, as well for others.

And as i said, this planet is ruled by Free will. So, we are in fact free to choose bad choices, mistakes and repeated dilemmas. Errors do serve a purpose, lessons to be learned. That's why our souls are here. It's all but lessons in the bigger image.

I know. Our ego don't want to hear such "bs".

I know just that very well *grin*

Been there, done that.

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