I know
that when I write about Leif, adding my inner impressions and feelings - it sounds so... as if it's all about me. Or making it about myself.
But - in reality and practice - it isn't about me. Since I am writing about it from the perspective of a personal Diary - well, naturally I attach all that, which connects me to Leif though time; my reflections, memories and emotions as well thoughts. Through my filters and individual perspective. Of course it is all colored. And when I think of people from 30+ years ago, i often also think of the time i lived in.
The things that went around in my life at the same time(s)... So, when I write about somebody, it tends to dig out everything else that was going on, too. At least, it comes easily to my mind. (Kind of like saying: Too much information - and I have not learned to seperate that when I write. Not everything needs to be written or mentioned, either)
I AM however a photographer - with a very sharp, graphic/visual memory. Dealing with photos aplenty as well along the decades - it has burned all memories endlessly deeper into the mind, compared to what a person normally would. I mean images can be "fixating". I've been doing this all my life - so the memories are litterally burned in, in more ways than just by memory creation. That is however not always a good thing, to be honest. (I give that a rest and say; i chose it. Because I love photos. So, i'll take the 'downside' of it)
I also notice that I often seem to write out of a perspective of a "young boy / man" while I am writing in my Diary about the past... Which, as an adult like me NOW, is a bit confusing - when i read my own words afterwards. I mean, it exactly the same in my adult life - but more separated for most of the time: I am however always connected, and sense the "boy" and "young man" feel inside of me. I mean like a third observer, i notice "their" reactions and reasoning. But those do not "defines" the Ralf of today. They are part of me, but not all of it.
In my personal Diary, I tend to be a lot more "immature", compared to how I live my life in reality, today. I also tend to be pretty sloppy in my Diary, not really separating the "young man" with the guy I am today (hopefully being more mature, wiser and having more experience). So, at times I let the angry boy loose in here... bitching and raving.
My Diary is like an unfinished cocktail, with too many chunks and pieces all mixed across the board *LOL*
Anyway.
It was wonderful to meet Leif in person
As we met yesterday afternoon. It was raining cats and dogs, by the way. (Between 20-30 mm rain came down in the larger Stockholm area)
Wet Pudel
On my way out, i met our beloved neighbor Agneta, talked with her for 15 minutes, while she when she goes smoking on her balcony, we often chat. It is one of those really lovely moments (Sal does the same with her - man she is coool !!)
The "Viking" 30 years later
So, therefore i was already all wet when I arrived in the inner city of Stockholm, meeting Leif. I saw him a little bit in the distance, but wasn't sure if it was him. My younger self, has probably overestimated his height, and he wasn't so big, viking like. But who is a Viking in the age of 84 ?!?
but it was so Leif. HIS TYPICAL EYES. He often has this special expression in his eyes, which looks a little bit like a boy's amusement. Like a boy who is up to something. It isn't pronounced, but it there.
So, he did of course look like an older version of Leif. And when he laughs or smiles wide - he really does look like the old Leif, as the face stretches broader very much resembling like the typical Leif I remember from 30+ years ago.
It felt really good to meet him.
We went to an Asian place near by, as he invited me for dinner. And there we sat. The light was very dim - so there was no chance in the world, that I would make pictures of him with my (analog) Mamiya 6 MF camera and those dim lenses, started at ƒ2.8 and the other at ƒ4 - with an Ilford XP2 ISO 400 film.
So, I didn't even bother to take out the camera. Next time, I hope i am a little bit better prepared. Likely with a digital camera. Because I invited Leif to our home, where Sal and I will make a wonderful dinner during a weekend when we both are at home. So, that's going to be so cool !! Leif accepted.
He has never in his life been in Rågsved 
So funny, given that the man has been literally in every corner of Europe in his life, sometimes changing location every single day. But who the F goes to Rågsved of all places. Well, there's always a first time, right ?
So; talk about an extreme interesting, albeit highly stressful life he has been living. Boy oh boy ! Easy to see in hindsight, that it was stressful. And apparently, he was choosing it. And now he has literally only two week ago, said "STOP". No more missions. He was supposed to attend another meeting in Romania (or was it Bulgaria?), but now has declined.
He said, i have to quit at some point in life. So better be it now.
I think he does well in starting to take care of himself. And I absolutely love that we now have contact again, and can invite him to a warm home and a good meal. You know, the social contact - the glue between people. Which after all - Leif said, after the multi thousands of journeys in his life - it is always the meeting between people, the interaction, where the true magic lies. It isn't the travel itself - which is rather cumbersome and annoying, when you have to deal with endless check-ups, security and all the stuff you know, goes on on airports.
It is so endless interesting to listen to his memories
the experience in his long, eventful life. I almost get irritated at myself, that with my strong energy and passion, i am sometimes too eager to talk and to communicate... and I have too many things on my mind, that i do not always listen ! I mean i do listen - but at the same time too busy to talk, too. It is as if something in me is catching up for the first two-three decades of having been too shy, and often too silent.
It is so damn interesting to listen to Leif's stories and tales out of his incredible life, and all the people he has met - you wouldn't believe if i told you. I am not impressed in terms that I ever would have wanted his position. But it is very interesting to get to hear these impressions from another person who lived that life, and met countless people ranging from the decent guy next door to the most exposed leaders in Europe. (I am not saying world, because that I don't know if he did. I have not asked. Actually I often don't ask, because it isn't for me about to know certain things. It is more that i just like to listen to what he wants to tell me out of his life. I am not a reporter, nor am I interested in gossip. It isn't that kind of conversation we have).
So, yeah - it is fascinating to get a glimpse behind the scenes of many appereances of people and events. Not everyone can tell you these things. And I always found it to be so exciting to listen to old people's knowledge, impressions, memories and experiences.
When we went to the Asian retaurant, we passed by a private church orgniasion owned building. It had a difference facade on the outside which hinted on it's long past of over 150 years. Leif told me, that before 1915 (?), that building was the place to be for Stockholm upper society with rank and name. It was called the Fenix Palace. I had a brief glimse of the young ones, seeking fun, pleasure and amuzement. You know how these things go... There is always a place in cities, where the upper crowd meet, drink champagne, dance and have flirtious meetings. While everything seem to be different today, the clothes have changed - but in reality - nothing really has changed. Only the locations have.
The driving forces in men and women too, are the same. *grin* The young ones want fun (regardlesss what class), music, dance, and flirt.
Let's call sex and the lust for adventures the driver of many appereances in life. |
