I am switching view today

Giuseppe

a handsome fella from Catania in the shower back in Oct 2014, when I visited Catania for the first time in my life. Boah - that's already 10 years ago. Incredible.

10 years ago I met Sal

Which means that I met Sal 10 years ago on 9th Oct 2014... also 10 years ago. (We dated not until June 2015 and onwards, though).

Beyond time

Time is fascinating - as it is confusing. Especially seen through the manifestation from a single, longer life time.

I still feel like a boy, who kind of goes though the stages of life, wondering, puzzled and asking questions. I mean those are the things, seen from within, you know. As if you are still a boy, or a young man - and while time and life proceeds - you stand there, observing and wondering; What does it all mean ?

I also say this beyond the veil of statement and "conclusions". If i go beyond my own bias, programming, and other rights and wrongs in terms of thinking - i often find myself to be more of an observer, looking form within upon what goes on outside. Not truly knowing what it all really means. It is one thing to feel, and to have opinions. But in truth - I do not really know the true meanings of what we call life. That part of existence which appears to be both real, at the same time also a sort of play. Like a matrix, where everybody plays rolls people have chosen to play, explore, suffer from as well to enjoy though (and everything in between from the best to the absolutely worst imaginable)

But, what does it all mean in a higher sense of existence ? And How do I relate at this stage of existence, "down here" ? I really, really don't know. I mean I can have a lot of ideas - but knowing; really knowing... I feel I do not.

Fleeting moments, the sensation of knowing

Yet, at times, is like a fleeting, vague sensation of "knowing", yet it slides off my tounge before I could even speak or form words about it. Perhaps the spirit, our own spirit, knows - but somehow the connection to what we perceive as "what is" - isn't fully established. As if one lacks words about the things that dwell in the beyond. You know, and you don't know at the same time. Any attemp trying to express it, becomes garbled (most of the time, I guess). As if there is a thick filter, that prevents us from seeing, sensing and realizing; like a veil that shrouds this existence, from fully understanding what lies beyond, and how it all is interconnected. From the smallest of daily life, into the largest matters.

All those programs going off in us...

One of the most difficult things is, to SEE beyond all of our programs, which appear to keep us in prison. As if the mind has certain programs, which keeps us away from understanding deeper. I don't say it is a total law, but it seems to be dominating in our existence as human beings. As if there are implemented types of programs. Not to mention those, that when they go off, makes us do and say things - we normally wouldn't, if you look / sense from the perspective of your spirit !

That the data we collected though our own experience of others - let's say former boyfriends and other people - become highly restricted in the way we can see though boundaries. Because the programs, our stubborn insistence on our memories and thoughts, as well the emotions we often tend to prioritize, keeps us from seeing clear. About others. About our selves.

Yet, there is a deeper sense in existence, in which we - occasionally - can see/sense a bit clearer.

When we go "beyond ourselves", our ego I suppose - we can at times grasp more of reality beyond our reality. Again, its those fleeting moments of clarity. Or close to clarity. Which also goes for how we look and see other people in our lives. Beyond our own experiences of them, I mean. (I am not talking about excusing, defending other explaining away actions of people / ourselves. I mean it more in the sense of literally looking/sensing beyond the veil of other personalities and manifestation, including our own). Almost like looking at the world, from within, from the eye of the third observer)

Bam !

And then swoosh ! - its all gone again. You are your old stealth or whatever self again.

Bitching as usual, when you think about somebody you didn't like, or you feel hurt from - or whatever. We go back into our "old patterns". well kept within the boundaries of the programs in us. I sometimes reminds me of that somebody "a long time ago" tinkered with our DNA, keeping us vastly limited, down to the minimum of what is possible for a body to survive in this world. Including thinking. I mean our DNA has two strands. What happens if we would have three, four, or twelve ? (Which universe, planet or galaxy could by the way, carry such extraordinary humans ? I mean there are also limits each universe / planet or galaxy's condition has in terms of what is possible or impossible for certain physical manifestations.)

Still - can you imagine the extreme complexity - and potential of beings, with evolved (once again) evolved DNA ? I guess that wasn't wanted... Perhaps we chose, without fully understanding the consequences, of such external interference, to dump down our DNA ?

Anyway, let's go back to our normal existence we perceive as our lives: those programs in our minds are damn resilient - and often gives us trouble in paradise, given the state of our world, which goes all the way down to the complexity and complications within family unions, relations, etc. The wars we fight, more often than not...

So, I wonder what's up with those (limiting / twisting) programs in us, leading to such outcomes ?

Who really benefits from it ?

It is said; All there is, are lessons.

For our soul, to crystallize over many stages - though an endless chain of chosen lives and all their experiences, choices and actions; are lessons to be learned. As a part of the total spectrum of what is, could and will be (with all its fractal variations)

In order for the soul to form a much denser, deeper core of the higher existences "over time" that dwell beyond our "time", space and what our mind ever could grasp. Ultimately in order to make a free, honest choice: Serve to Others (STO), or to Serve to Self (STS).

So, yeah. Beyond all my opinions, all the often unnecessary words I have written, my mouth have said or yelled, and thoughts thought - i am still wondering what it all means. It really goes beyond any comprehension of what my brain cells possibly can understand.

This far. As of now.

It is raining outside

A light, gentle rain with to my ears, sound unusual refreshing. It is almost as if I haven't heard it in a very long time. Which is strange, to say. Yet, it is also mild outside with 18°C, Summer still dwelling in our mists.

My ear infection starts gradually to clear up

at the same time I am gaining better hearing in my left ear, and regain a better balance. Ears are really funny business, I must say. Makes me realize how much I appreciate them being healthy and in order. It also baffles me every time, how much we take for granted to hear, walk, see, feeling alive. Things can so suddenly change into something, that makes you furiously long to regain back.

Looking around, observing...

Why have we become so mindless about many things in life, acting like "robots", or "intellectual zombies", being like pearls on a string ? I often have to think about that, when i see many eyes staring down into a flat device most of their time...

What is all that automatic behaviour, that mindlessness, about ?