There was a time around 2011-12 in which I felt i had aged like 10-15 years.

When i met Daniel in 2009, later i gained a lot of weight and somehow my appearance changed rapidly - or so it seemed and felt like (through my own perception). From young to middle aged. Like a chock.

This felt extremely tough, far too fast for my liking - and resulted into a depression. Not totally outspoken as such, but it was constantly with me, in me, creating an enormous drain of energy. Kind of disillusioned about me, my body and "identity". Which affected my sexuality very much, in a negative way (i felt extremely unsexy) and of course it affected my relation and marriage to Daniel, as well.

I found some images where the change was more than just an illusion. One photo from Hawai'i taken in April 2011 - and one taking now in 2024 show the difference. Back then i was 45 years old, today I am 58, pushing soon 60.

I am not sure, but I believe that my weight was similar in 2011, to my weight today, around 95 kg. Sometimes it gets lower to 90 kg. Albeit back in 2011-12 i gained at the very most around 102 kilo. When I separated from Daniel in 2013-14, i lost 14 kilo of weight, going down to 82 kg i remember. My sexuality became hyper charged in ways I never thought was possible - and my looks returned, too (2014+)

I had almost forgotten that it was still possible. Funny how the psyche and mind go sometimes. The ideas we have in our heads, and the limitations we sometimes put upon ourselves.

Semi-permanent eyebrows tattoo

Otherwise, I haven't done anything particularly - except in April 2024, i got semi-permanent eyebrows. The lady which Sal recommended, is a pro who has specialized in shaping eye brows, as if they are your true ones. Since permanent tattoos are forbidden, it is a semi-permanent version.

It is really cool, and she did an absolutely remarkable job. I've always had very weak eyebrows after 30-35. I used to colors them for a long time. in the past 8 years however, I used a pen by giving the faint hair extra extra weight in a diffuse way. I mean i do have eye brows hair - but it's faint in nature. Plus that when you age, the shape of them changes too, looking a bit weird, kind of fiercer because the angle changes - while the ends of the eyebrows "disappear" due to fewer hairs.

I think a man should have eyebrows !

But not the groomed or dreadfully strange looking thin line type. Instead a little bit "wilder" and broader as well a notch darker; less groomed so that it looks natural, yet marked in a way that defines the face. Eyebrows and beard or stubbles are a little bit like a frame; it keeps the face together. Even when you gain weight.

So, other then that I don't do anything. Oh wait, I do color my beard. Usually with 2-3 nuances lighter color - because that looks FAR MORE natural. The mistake many people do is that they use the color they think their beard colors has. But that ends up being far too dark, looking unnatural.

San and I love to do experiments with our beards / stubbles. It is really fun. While I have gone off bleaching my hair. I used to be light ash blonde for decades - but I stopped in 2009 (i think).

35 ?! Well, not exactly.

The other week, I got a compliment from a Swedish-Polish guy, who thought i was 35. That was a highly unusual statement (he really meant it) Well, I didn't accept that compliment and explained to him, that it probably was because of the bad indoor lighting at the club. And - it was too far fetched to be true.

People in Sicily think I am 42-45 of age, while people in Sweden usually guess that i am around 50-52.

Regardless of my visual appearance to others and myself, I am thankful that I can represent an age of my earthly spirit, how i truly feel think and act - which is pretty much around the age of 45.

I never would have thought to look younger than my age. I remember when i said to Per H. back in 1991 when I was 25, when we talked about age, life and future (he was 42 at the time) - that I would like to be handsome at the age of 50. (I admired middle aged guys and usually dated some in the age of 38 to 46), and thought it would if i could be handsome too, you know. Not afraid of aging as such - but doing that in sort of handsome way.

Well, i have now passed that threshold a long time ago.

I smoke a lot and have done so for decades (since 13). And i take lots of minerals and vitamins, because i believe the body needs a lot of that in order to do repair of damages - and does that naturally - if you give it what it requires, and possibly skip the worst; like vegetable oils, and other ultra processed food.

I don't train my body in a gym, yet do walk a lot, and my job as a train driver does involve (relatively) plenty of movements, such as going up and down from the seat at very station. And walking home 2 km from the depot.

So, yes - I am thankful.

And humble about it ! Also thankful of not being obsessed about any trends or shit, that is and has been crammed upon humanity and trapped people in so many impossible ways when it comes to "beauty" and "enhancements". Which at times is simply scary how much people "invest" into strange procedures and "treatments". Why all that energy ? And people doing it at a young age - which is simply scary. Who do we become with all that psychological burdening ?!

And god forbid, those injections people put in their faces, not even mentioning all those over time strange face operations many do / have done.